Television's prominent hosts spent their evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, called the "golden visa," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the rich.
The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis
Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he touches."
Colbert's target was the controversial plan that permits overseas individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's page guarantees approval "in record time."
"A brief note for you to affluent foreigners: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.
"Unprecedented screening the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues
Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.
Recently, in a effort to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.
